NEVER-ENDING ROMANCE.

"...Chapter One. He was tough and romantic as the city he loved. Behind his black-rimmed glasses was the coiled sexual power of a jungle cat--I love this! New York was his town and it always would be".

Woody Allen
Manhattan (1979)

Wish I could move to a city where I fall in love--not just with somebody but with the kids riding tricycles, dry cleaners and sausage vendors, old couples, holding hands, the clothes hanging from balconies, the garbage on the street corners, the town prostitutes, the churchgoers. It would be a never-ending romance. A romance that makes you feel alive, feel complete, feel a little crazy and a little more fulfilled. I don't know why this is a sort of a unfilled fantasy for me.

A LITTLE LOVE FROM ONE OF MY LOVES.

I think somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

Eleanor Roosevelt

We have bigger houses but smaller families:
We have more degrees but less sense;
more knowledge but less judgements;
more experts but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness.
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but we have trouble crossing the street
to meet the new neighbour.
We build more computers
to hold more information,
to produce more copies than ever,
but we have less communication.
We have become long on quantity
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods,
but slow digestion;
tall man, but short character;
steep profits, but shallow relationships.
It is a time when there is much in the window
but nothing in the room.

Dalai Lama

IF YOU FORGET ME -- NERUDA

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine

A LOVE POEM FOR NOBODY

your love has spit fire in my heart
the caged lions devoured my judgement
the hawks circle skies for my sanity
your love is a maze of emotions
giving me jolts of pain, of despair
snatching away my peace, my comfort
instilling me with desire, with terror
sculpted me into a defiant, neurotic mess
my mind running wild in circles
my body (now) in convoluted distress
blind to rationality
deaf to logic, to reason
to everything in-between
i am alive to breathe
with you, for you
you are part of
my conscious, my being

today, i loathe you
for i have loved you
more than the stars
love their moon
more than lovers of yesterday
your impossibilities have caged
more than shah jahan and mumtaz
my poor, fragile heart, stampeded soul
your words, your promises, your eyes
have transformed me
i'm a psychotic believer
of impossible realities
oh ! i loathe you
sometimes more than
i have loved you

your love is an imprisonment
a poison waiting to be devoured
rescue me--Love--from your love.

A.M.

EVERYONE AROUND ME

Him and her
those and them
all loving, all lusting
bustling, kissing
red lipstick, messy hair
curtains drawn, beds waiting
everyone around me
lust overflow,drowning in love

lost today, i know
self-discovery on platter
waiting to be devoured
interesting reality:
what or who I look for--
i do not know.
look into my eyes
whisper in my ears
its a treasure
waiting to be found.

DON'T STOP TILL YOU GET ENOUGH.

an era has truly ended.
but we will dance to your music forever.
love.

FINDING LOVE IN UNEXPECTED PLACES.

SUMMER PLANS.

start knitting again
paint a little
photograph more
gardening
thrift
write
read Pablo Neruda
redecorate boring room =(
frame artwork
trip to nor-cal (?)
learn to play the guitar
sing
learn to cook
make a list of things for India
work

ANDY WARHOL POLAROIDS

WE JUST DON'T CARE.

"lets go to the park

i wanna kiss you underneath the stars"

(photo: unknown source)

SIMPLE RECEIPES.

"Independence is happiness"
Susan B. Anthony

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life"
Albert Camus

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination"
Mark Twain

"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within"

Ramona L. Anderson

damn!

(photo: unknown source)

SUNDAY JUNE 14

to do list:
car wash
clean room
put artwork up
frame pictures
laundry

(photo: unknown source)

CONVERGENT EVOLUTION!

(photo: unknown source)

TEACHINGS OF GAUTAM BUDDHA.

(found this online and wanted to share)

On Judgmental People:
People with opinions just go around bothering each other.

On Anger:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.

On Truth:
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

On Anger:
You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.

On Work:
To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent.

On Friends:
An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.

On Love:
You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

On Envy:
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.

On Good Deeds:
Neither fire nor wind, birth nor death can erase our good deeds.

On Thought:
The mind is everything. What you think you become.

On Gratitude:
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.

On Hatred:
Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

(photo: unknown source)

OH, PABLO NERUDA.

Puedo Escribir los Versos mas Tristes Esta Noche

Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo: "La noche esta estrellada,
y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos".

El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella tambien me quiso.

En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La bese tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo tambien la queria.
Como no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.

Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, mas inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocio.

Que importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche esta estrellada y ella no esta conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazon la busca, y ella no esta conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos arboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuanto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oido.

De otro. Sera de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos,
mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque este sea el ultimo dolor que ella me causa,
y estos sean los ultimos versos que yo le escribo.
Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.

Thank you to Senora Kustin-Mager for the spanish movie Il Postino.

Really, one of the most honest and touching movies of all time and Pablo Neruda writes in green ink because green is the color of hope.

LATE NIGHT PSCYHOBABBLE

sometimes i wish i could just stop writing. writing makes me psychotic. it opens doors to the parts of my mind that are full of nightmares, of neurotic lies, of impossible realities. i am so lost. i don't know where to go, who to talk to. i sometimes feel so lonely. i don't know why--because i don't know who i look for. i would've laughed at myself if i was who i was two years ago. there are too many unanswered questions, too many faces i cannot decipher. too many conversations that are mere small-talks. sometimes i wish i could live a life dictated to me. freedom of my mind is a dangerous thing. time makes me wonder, makes me crazy, makes me think about things too dangerous, too unnecessary. i wander the forbidden forests at night with no torch and nobody else. its a lost battle at times-- i battle my own instincts against my own thoughts, actions. at times, i want to share coffee at a cafe, or run around the lake and sit under the bridge (maybe, tomorrow). i keep typing and typing and my mind is running wild. its nice and quiet. i saw yassi today and had a spontaneous meal with her and another soul-talk. thank god, for friends like her. i was going to paint tonight but i am scared. i like late-night mind-wanderings and the noise my fingers makes against the keyboard. tomorrow is a new day. new smiles. new faces. new hellos.

WE NEED A WORLD ..

WHERE ARTISTS ARE NURTURED--NOT TORTURED
WHERE MUSICIANS ARE LOVED AND CARESSED
WHERE YOU AND I CAN SIT AT PEACE AT THAT CAFE
WHERE THINGS ARE SIMPLER, MORE BEAUTIFUL
WHERE WE RUN AFTER LOVE AND FLOWERS
WHERE YOUR LAUGHTER RINGS THROUGH THE CRACKS OF WINDOWS
WHERE LOVE ENVELOPS MY HEART SO CLOSE
WHERE I AM WHO I AM AND YOU ARE JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

NANCY WILSON.

'I know the language of your laugh
Tripping over circumstance

I know the story of your walk
I taste the sugar and the salt

I taste and savor your little ways
The colors that you choose
To paint your day'

LAUGHTER IN HER EYES

walking and talking
laughing and smiling

soul talks and love affairs
lonely bird in the cage
a solitary reaper for
truth, peace, justification
trapped in minds of distress
of commotion, of mazes

deciphering romance begins
my mind is tripping in circles
intoxicated thoughts
mindless talks with you
La,La,La

maybe, ill let you
walk me out
talk me out
if only you
could hear me out

SEXY.

sandhurst, marry me. =)

THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY.

I am sick of people saying someone has a bad attitude or that someone is a pessimist. Optimism is a beautiful thing. Something that is maybe innate. Maybe learnt. I don't know about that.

This is to people who talk about attitudes. You don't have a right to comment on someone's attitude until you know what the person feels deep inside. Your past defines your actions which define your attitude.

So next time, you think someone is a pessimist, take a second to ask: Why? Because most often than not, that person has gone through something that has changed his perception of life. He has gone through something that has made him realize some haunting truth. Or he is tired of searching. No one has a right to comment on anyone's attitude before looking into their past. If you do, grow up.

IF ONLY I COULD NOT FEEL

Hey, you! Listen! The thing is things don't work out for us because we are neurotics. We think, we feel, we understand. We are artists waiting to be freed. Those offering to help, cannot decipher our convoluted, impulsive and distorted minds.


Our core problem is that we are in love with LOVE.

We believe in a different kind of love. Real Love. Blood-gushing-to-your-brain-Butterflies-in-your-stomach-Take-a-bullet-for-you-sort-of-Love.

Maybe its the world that is running in circles. Maybe you and I are the only ones heading towards nirvana. Or maybe I am writing rubbish because I am tired of thinking.




[esp written for you (z) ]

TITANIC AND HOPELESS ROMANTICS.

MAKE IT COUNT
MEET ME AT THE CLOCK

CARRIE BRADSHAW!

"Some people are settling down.

Some people are settling.

And some people don't settle for

anything less than butterflies"

I DIDN'T KNOW.

I didn't know these emotions
folded deep inside
entangled in my veins
blood gushing around
Some tick tocks back,
bursting out like
lions ready to indulge
neurotic behaviour
now turns to norm.

Not the highest high
maybe not the lowest low
so relieved for I feel today
I pray you can feel
for its the
highest high and
the lowest low.
best that life provides

AH FUCK.

AUTOBIOGRAPHIES AND LOVE LETTERS.

neurotic messes
overanalytical failures
dumbstruck influences
overzealous emotions
overheard masochism

neurotic psychomaniac
waiting to run
love letters lost
pens and inks

scrolls empty
waiting to be written
the ink went splat!
and the time did too.

souls filled with love
waiting to be freed

--

"girl your heart is so big
I can feel the attack"

"ART IS A LIE THAT MAKES US REALIZE THE TRUTH"--PABLO PICASSO.

PULP FICTION WISDOM.

"That's when you found someone special when you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence"

I AM.

“I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art.”

--Madonna

BLAH

sometimesiwishicouldsayfuckyouandhailacab.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED!

What has happened around me? Our society is running on materialism, on survival, on boredom. What happened to love, to romance, to art, to sculpture, to jazz, and to appreciation? We need everyday injection of this artistic aura just to breathe and enjoy the life around. The old-time cafes are now gone. The long lunches are reduced to drive-thrus. The letters are now emails. The calls are now texts. I get scared that we are turning into robots forgetting to breathe. Am I who I am writing about?

"I FEEL YOUR LOVE LIKE A MONKEY ON MY BACK"

MIRROR IMAGES.

I can understand and sympathize with those crazed and neurotic beings--the artists, the Van Goghs and the Woody Allens of today and tomorrow. I do not know why but I understand their fluttering minds and restless souls. Always considered different in today's materialistic and delusional world with no light at the end of the tunnel. They are the true artists because they have had the courage to submit to their emotions. Now, I know, emotions are a dangerous and terrifying thing. You can turn from a sane person to a delusional and psychomaniacal freak in the circus. Rationality and irrationality become close neighbours. The line between sanity and insanity is brushed so close that your mind goes on trips of hell (and back). I pity and admire those who can submit to their emotions. They are not confused--but just lost in a temporary mix of understanding, emotions, reality and dreams. It is an admirable and at once a frightening and honest trip to the deepest secrets of one's soul.

RANDOM THOUGHTS AND TIDBITS OF EVERYTHINGS.

you are
not your body
but
your aura.

you are
not your beauty
but
your soul.

smiles and tears
part of life
remember both
you are nothing but a marble
waiting to be sculpted


today, i see clearly with eyes.
today, i see through the layers
today, i understand me as if
not god--but I was brought up
from earth itself


i am a child of nature.
i know this truth.
today, i am one with nature.
today, i am at peace.
an exhilarating adventure
roller coaster ending
at the doorstep
of sanity and peace
thank you Love!
thank you Life!

NEW DAYS AND SECOND CHANCES.

"I told the bartender
to pour me a double fast
and light me a smoke so
I can sing some jazz"

GOOD OLD REVISITS.

(what I wrote such a long time ago)


"Life's a Bitch?" Is it? At times. But I have realized I have no power so great that I can control every aspect of my life. So, when I spill coffee on my white shirt, when I say "masculinism" instead of "masculinity" while talking to my Hum Core Professor, when I get lost, when I park like a savage and can't open my door, when I laugh in serious situations, when I say the wrong things at wrong times...I laugh at life. What else can we do? Bitching does nothing. I believe it creates this horrible aura of negativity and it's hard to get out of that "slump" zone. You know the zone when you think everything is going wrong and that life is hopeless yada yada yada. So, smile. Life's beautiful. We're still alive. Spread love. And everyday is a new day.


Laugh like no other because tomorrow might not be so great.


I absolutely LOVE this quote:
"Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it gets you nowhere"
--Anonymous

Love and Peace

RAPHAEL SAADIQ.

Girl I tried to run but couldn't get too far
My heart is pumping
But still I'm running in place
No matter how hard I try to ditch your touch
When you're away too long oh girl is too much
But every time I run I make it
Oh so fast
Girl I'm runnin scared
My heart is beating so fast
I heard that you can make a man
Change his plan
That's why I'm running fast
I'm running the hundred yard dash

I ran for the hills and girl there you were
How you appeared you see I'll never know
I told the bartender to pour me a double fast
And light me a smoke so I can sing some jazz
Now here come them legs, here come those eyes
And neither one I could never deny
I'm trying to be smooth as I can
But I'll guess I need another plan
I need your lovin' baby oh so bad
Girl I'm runnin scared
My heart is beating so fast
I heard that you can make a man
Change his plan
That's why I'm running fast
I'm running the hundred yard dash

Your love gets stronger
And it feels like every day is getting longer
I feel your love like a monkey on my back
Girl your heart is so big
See I can feel the attack
Whoa oh
I need your loving
I want your loving
I got to have your loving
I need ya
Got to
Got to...

IN NEED.

Man cannot remake himself without suffering,
for he is both the marble and the sculptor.


~Dr. Alexis Carrel

GYPSY SPIRIT.

POETIC PSYCHOBABBLE.

Today, things are upside-down
buckets upturned,
ships sailing and coasts empty
thriving on the extremes
let me drown in my thoughts
it comforts me so.

Today, your eyes looked weary
some other bullshit too
bad patch of tomatoes
and bad weather too!
fortunetellers were lying
but wait, am I my fortuneteller too?

learning to breathe,
is a new theory too.
just smile so bright
with your eyes so
because the clock
doesn't stop ticking
not even for you
but you can start
walking down maybe that way
nirvana is just
two steps down the road.

LYRICAL MELODIES STRINGING HEARTS.

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining in the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

ROY LICHTENSTEIN.

NEVER THOUGHT

thinking here and there
about this--over and over and over again
trying to navigate endlessly
through a road with a dead end
drowning in thoughts
emotional toll
mental exhaustion overboard
HELP!
but I can do it on my own.

LOVE IS BAFFLING.

!!

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

WHILE TALKING TO A FRIEND..

better to obsessively and incessantly dwell over life or let life pass without stopping to think?

EROTOMANIA?

Main Entry:

ero·to·ma·nia

Pronunciation:

\i-ˌrō-tə-ˈmā-nē-ə, -ˌrä-\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

New Latin

Date:

1877

1 : a psychological disorder marked by the delusional belief that one is the object of another person's love or sexual desire

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

HOW TO CALM BUTTERFLIES FLUTTERING.

When in need--resort to Woody Allen's genius.

"Even
as a kid I
always went for the
wrong women, when we went
to see Snow White,everyone fell in
love with Snow White,
I immediately fell
for the wicked
queen."

MONET.

BOX OF TREASURES

i feel pity for those who cannot feel emotions
you are trapping your soul in a box
and letting it drown in depths
of oblivious bullshit

OH MY GOODNESS!

ESCAPE!

BUMP DE BUMP

emotional roller coaster rides
sanity is on the other doorstep
when that someone befriended me long ago
i say "hi, how do you do?"

MAYBE

i know what i want tomorrow, i do not know what I want today.

OH BUT...

we were falling in love
at the coffee shop...

GOODNIGHT AND GO -- IMOGEN HEAP

Skipping beats, flashing jeeps
I am struggling
Daydreaming, been sitting, the corner cafe
And I'm left in bits, recovered tectonic, trembling
You get me everytime

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home
You've got your headphones on
And your dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot
You're taking everything off

Watch the curtains, wide open
And you fall in the same routine
Flicking through the TV
Relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone

Oh why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days
You'll miss your train, and come stay with me
It's always say goodnight and go
We'll have drinks and talk about things
And any excuse to stay awake with you
You'd sleep here, I'd sleep there
But then the heating may be down again
At my convenience
We'd be good, we'd be great together
Go

Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Why is it always, always

Goodnight and Go

Goodnight and Go!

FABIAN PEREZ.

MYSTERIES KEEP LIFE INTERESTING AND WORTH LIVING.

YES!

"true love is friendship
set on fire"

PRETTY!

ANOTHER WOODY ALLEN GENIUS.

"Natasha, to love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But, then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love, to be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy, therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness, I hope you're getting this down"

(From Love and Death)

ZION TRAIN IS COMING OUR WAY.

SOMETIMES

better to wonder about the unknown
than delve into ripples of confusion
better to befriend strangers on the road
than love someone besides
better to dance amidst life itself
than sing to those deaf to hear of change
better to listen to those who speak truth
than speak to those laughing at realities

but is it better to learn to love, than love to learn ?

HEARTS AND MINDS AND WINDOWS AND SOULS.

I don't understand why the topic of love
is so interesting yet so baffling.

BABY-BURGER!

MY DEFINITION OF TRUE LOVE.

WHATSUP!

BLACKS, WHITES, GRAYS

I wish life was black and white.
Then, I could put my brain in an oven to roast.
The dominating grays of today's and yesterday's life
make me my blood run to and fro and my mind go wild.
If only the grays didn't turn my brain
into a bowl of spaghetti.

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH WOODY ALLEN.

"Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable"

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"

AMELIE.

ANNIE HALL.

Alvy Singer: I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.

VICKY CRISTINA BARCELONA.

Juan Antonio: Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic.

Juan Antonio: Love is transient.