I LIKE THE ODD, THE STRANGE, AND THE DISTURBED.

I NEED TO DO THIS MY WAY.

The sea of confusion swallows me whole
the waves of doubt crash upon me
to a place far from home.
I need you to rescue me
but I need to do this my way.

Feminism, Independence
Power and Ideals
My mind runs wild
like impressionist strokes
let the colours swirl
Forget colouring inside the lines.
I need to do this my way.

His God and her God laugh at me
I close my eyes to see
Colours, boundaries, countries
why bind us down?
we are brothers and sisters.
Just a door away from freedom.
Let's just do it my way.

DROWNING IN A WHIRPOOL OF CONFUSION

When you are lost into oblivion,
When you are confused amidst the doodles,
Dazed in traffic, Shuffling through the maze.
Walking into trees, Bumping into strangers.

Do you feel like the freak in the circus?
A foreigner to your own reflection?

When you are lost in figments of your imagination,
Stopping at the green lights. Reading upside down.
Painting skies green and the grass blue.

Don't you wish you were blind?
Living the beautiful lie of blissful ignorance?

THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'VE FOUND SOMEONE SPECIAL

... When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

THEN MY HUNGER TURNS INTO GREED...

....'cause what about what I need?
Who's gonna save my soul now?

THE ODD COUPLE.

:)

...BECAUSE I AM AN EMOTIONAL BEING.

Today, as I walked, I realized...
I will have done injustice to this life,
if I do not (and cannot) feel.

I want to scream with joy.
drown in my tears
get lost deep in mazes
of confusion, of anguish
body contorted, mind restless
feel terrified enough to
wait for the lion to devour my soul
hug the pain so great that it pierces deep
into my guts
into my lungs
into my being
let anger bring out
the beast in me
the savage in me
kiss love till infinity passes
and some more
let passion takeover
to sing songs that today,
I fail to decipher
scream with excitement
embrace craze till
sanity seems forgotten
to laugh till my laughter echoes
through the walls
through the terraces
through the valleys
of your soul.

Today, I have unleashed
my spirit.
...and I feel fine.

À LA FOLIE... PAS DU TOUT

WHO'S GONNA SAVE MY SOUL NOW?

[gnarls barkley]

I got some bad news this morning
Which in turn made my day
When this someone spoke I listened
All of a sudden, has less and less to say
Ohhhhhh how could this be?
All this time, I've lived vicariously
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
How will my story ever be tollllld now?
How will my story be tollllld now?

Made me feel like somebody
Hmmm, like somebody else
Although he was imitated often
It felt like I was bein myself
Is it a shame that someone else's song
Was totally and completely dependant on
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
I wonder if I'll live to grow old now
Gettin high cause I feel so lowwwww down

And maybe it's a little selfish
All I have is the memory
Yet I never stopped to wonder-ahhhhh
Was it possible you were hurtin worse than me
Still my hunger turns to greeeeed
Cause what about what I neeeeeed?!
And OHHHH~! Who's gonna save my soul now?
Who's gonna save my soul now?
Ohhhh I know I'm out of control now
Oooh-oooh, tired enough to lay my own soul down

SOME INSPIRATION ON A LAZY AFTERNOON.

"we are

either going to

be fucking brilliant or walk

around in mediocrity....

Noone wants that"

--Maggie Jones

RAINY DAYS.

...and who knew the rainy skies could paint my neighbourhood so beautiful.

SCRIBBLES.

THE TRAPPED CIRCUS IN MY MIND

Sometimes, I am lost in my own thoughts to a degree where I find myself vanishing into oblivion. My thoughts envelope my mind. The mystery of fate hangs heavy on my heart. I fear the loss of sanity. People walk around me, talk around me. I see them, I even hear them. Yet, I fail to untangle the tangles of spoken words. Am I the only lost soul? Or do you hear me too?

The balls juggle in my mind. I fear one dropping and the lion devouring my soul. My heart bleeding, my eyes searching. I wear the mask with the smile so bright. But, take a peek into my dark soul. I jump through the fire, I have the scars to remember. The lights, the people, the laughs--why is it that all I hear are whispers? It's not what I have lost, it's what I learned to love, loved to learn.

My mind drowns in a whirlpool of confusion. Never once have I asked for a saviour. My insanity will one day set me free to a place where the sun paints the walls yellow and the roses bloom along my path. One day, I'll take you far away to a place where our insanities will never be questioned. The love of life running wild through our veins, the love for you feasting slowly on my lone soul.

TICK TOCK.

fuck..
i have too much to do
and so little time.
yet, i forget to hurry.

do you ever feel like the clock ticks
for you
but twice as fast?
do you ever feel the sand in
the hourglass
rushes to the other end?
mother earth spinning faster,
children getting older.
what if i use this lifetime?
where do i buy another?

i suddenly feel artistic.
i want to write and paint and clean my room and read and cook and
so many things and more and more.

MOTHER-DAUGHTER BRUNCH.

I just came back from a nice mother-daughter brunch over at the Tustin Marketplace Corner Bakery. I met up with Jill and Ketki and their Mamas. It was fun like good old times.

My beautiful mom and I split a
Chicken Pomodori Panini

Now..a cup of cappuccino and back to cleaning my ridiculously messy room.

AFTERNOON TALKS.

I went to Samira's awesome birthday shindig and spent the morning at Abiha and Maggie's apartment (I wish I took photographs at Samira's). I had an amazing lunch with Maggie--sandwiches from Le Diplomat and Latte Macchiato from Peet's. I love talking to Maggie about anything. But, today we had an especially soulful talk.

...now I should get back to the shitload of ridiculous readings.

MEANINGLESS GIBBERISH

i love you (?)

TONES OF SEPIA.

around my room...

VANITY

rain and wind.
dewdrops on tulips.
drops of rain
on window panes.

reflection in mirrors,
in puddles, in hearts.

"LOVE"

Butterflies fluttering
in your stomach.
you love him
the petals say
or you love him not
the flowers say
why the fuss?
tomorrow, isn't it over?

Void of emotions
heartless
or
maybe I haven't seen him yet.
Loneliness,
you say.
but isn't it a surreal calm?

"Love"
drowns me in confusion
maybe its not love
it must be lust.
just buy me a dictionary
if only, I knew how to flip to "love".