Sometimes, I am lost in my own thoughts to a degree where I find myself vanishing into oblivion. My thoughts envelope my mind. The mystery of fate hangs heavy on my heart. I fear the loss of sanity. People walk around me, talk around me. I see them, I even hear them. Yet, I fail to untangle the tangles of spoken words. Am I the only lost soul? Or do you hear me too?
The balls juggle in my mind. I fear one dropping and the lion devouring my soul. My heart bleeding, my eyes searching. I wear the mask with the smile so bright. But, take a peek into my dark soul. I jump through the fire, I have the scars to remember. The lights, the people, the laughs--why is it that all I hear are whispers? It's not what I have lost, it's what I learned to love, loved to learn.
My mind drowns in a whirlpool of confusion. Never once have I asked for a saviour. My insanity will one day set me free to a place where the sun paints the walls yellow and the roses bloom along my path. One day, I'll take you far away to a place where our insanities will never be questioned. The love of life running wild through our veins, the love for you feasting slowly on my lone soul.
You are officially bookmarked :) I like how you basically think and write in poetry, and I especially like the last line.
ReplyDeleteBut about what you're saying. The idea of love, wanting love, wanting to feel alive--to have and understand everything you could possibly take in from your surroundings, my dear, seems to be bothering you and dragging you down! One thing I think I'm learning more and more towards in regards to love though, is that it should be clear, simple, without expectation, without extremism and confusion. That doesn't mean a person who's in love/falling in love/hasn't fell in love yet will never be confused, frustrated, or go between extreme happiness and sadness, AND it doesn't mean that the love should be passionless. It's hard to explain this, but basically (!) don't sweat it. Haha! Love refuses to be pushed. And in regards to not feeling well but still going out and "wearing a mask"--I honestly say, congrats! There's times & places for grieving, being emo-licious, etc; and the people who are truly close to you will (or at least should) know how you're feeling (not all the time but generally or at least time to time when life gets really hard!). But to let your inner conflicts take over your entire day and life is the worst thing a person could do & I'm sure you know that :D Living and loving consistently is what builds stable friendships, life, and character!
I know you're a super intelligent, beautiful, crazy, and fun girl!! So you can, as Mariah Carey says, "make it through the rain"! **HUG, we still need to eat/hang. Maybe Tuesday? Free makeup on Tuesday. I know I'm getting my butt out there.
aly
**PS, I hope I didn't misinterpret this entry massively. That would be awkwarddd.